i can make art too
Tabriz is finally a Jounin.
Tribal Memories.
Skype Message to Ali
- Ali: *logs on*
- Me: hey lol sup?
- Ali: *logs off*
- Me: Did you turn on your laptop thinking, "Oh this is the perfect time for me to masturbate!” Then, after you open up your laptop screen, the sudden realization that Skype will automatically log in for you runs through your mind. So you're sitting there anxiously for a couple of seconds, but it feels as if time is moving in slow-motion. You're hoping that no one notices you log on and off within a matter of seconds, but to your demise, I'm there. I'm online. I send you a message, you start freaking out, and the thought of replying to my message graces your subconscious, but the urge to pleasure yourself trumps all reason. So, in your haste to log off of Skype you don't even bother using the proper methods, you just immediately right click the Skype icon and hover over the "quit Skype" button. After pressing the button, adrenaline starts pumping through your body at an incredibly unstable rate. However, nothing matters to you at that point. All you can think about is the carnal urge to pleasure yourself in a dim light environment, looking at videos BBWs (due to your own body issues) whispering to yourself midstroke, "One day a big beautiful women will need me to fix a 19th century Victorian sink for her...” Your own filthy thoughts and onscreen content push you over the edge, you immediately reach for a Kleenex, but it's too late. You've released your ejaculate goo all over your laptops keyboard. As your mind rushes back to reality the thought of messaging me races through you once again, you look at your phone. There's a call? Who could it be from? It's from me, Omar Khan. I was calling to ask you if spoilt milk actually does cause miscarriages. But were you there ready to help me? No, you were being selfish in every way you could be, instead of answering my abortion questions you decided it would be fine for you to pleasure yourself.
Look At What Drew’ve Done
It’s like ‘09 in your basement and I’m in love with Drew,
And I still love Drew but it fell through because I wasn’t ready,
And your back hurt, and your Drew hurt, and you smoking heavy,
And I sit next to drew, and I lecture Drew because those are deadly,
And then you ash it and we argue about spending money on Drew’s shit,
And you tell me I’m just like Drew — my one button you push it,
Now it’s “Fuck Drew, I hate Drew, I’ll move out in a heartbeat!”,
And I leave out and Drew calls me, Drew tells me that Tim’s sorry,
You love me, and I love Drew, and your heart hurts, mine does too,
And it’s just words and they cut deep but it’s our world, it’s just us Drew,
I see painkillers on the kitchen counter, I hate to see it all hurt so bad,
But maybe I wouldn’t have worked this hard if you were Drew and it weren’t so bad,
Uh, maybe I should walk up the street, and try and get a job at the bank,
Cause leave it up to me, J, and Drew, we’ll probably end up robing the bank,
Then Tim calls up my phone, conversation wasn’t that long,
Gets me a flight to Houston in the morning,
Oh it’s Drew time, yeah, it’s on,
He’s thinking of signing me, I come him,
We make a drew tape with seventeen songs,
And I almost get a grammy off of that thing,
They love your son — man, that boy gone,
You get the operation you dreamed of,
And I finally send you to Rome,
I get too make good my promise,
It all worked out, Drew, we shoulda known,
Cause Drew deserves it.
[Hook]
This shit real, should I pinch Drew?
After all things that we been Drew, I got Drew,
Look what Drew’ve, look what Drew’ve done,
Look what Drew’ve done for me now,
You knew that I was gonna be something,
When you’re stressed out and you need something, I got Drew
[Verse 2]
It’s like ‘06 in your backyard, I’m in love with Tim,
And I’m still in love, just when it’s that real is when it doesn’t fade,
And Drew living in Memphis now, he can’t come this way,
Over some minor charges and child support that wasn’t paid,
Damn, Drew-hoo, sad story, black American dad story,
Know that I’m your sister’s kid but,
It still don’t explain the love that you have for Drew,
I remember sneaking in Drew’s pool after school dances,
Damn your house felt like the Hamptons,
For all of my summer romances,
I never really had no one like Drew man this al new, shit,
Made the world I Drew bigger, changed the way that I viewed it,
Had all this fighting going on at the crib,
Drew would calm me down when I lose it,
Told Drew that I think I’m done acting, I’m more in touch with the music,
You said either way I’ll be a star, I could go so far,
Talked to Tim, you got to me,
Then Tim toss the keys and loan me your car,
Yeah, just a young kid in a drop top Lexus,
Hopin’ that I don’t get arrested,
Just another Tim going through life
So worried that I won’t be accepted,
But I could do anything, Drew said that, and Drew meant that,
Drew took me places, Drew spent that, they said no, we went back,
Cheques bounced but we bounced back,
I put all the money in Tim’s accounts back,
And I thank Drew, I don’t know where,
I’d really be without that, it worked out, man,
Drew deserve it.
[Hook]
This shit real, should I pinch Drew?
After all things that we been Drew, I got Drew,
Look what Drew’ve, look what Drew’ve done,
Look what Drew’ve done for me now,
You knew that I was gonna be something,
When you’re stressed out and you need something, I got Drew
Dear Girl Walking Alone Ahead of Me to the Library,
I’m not some creepy dude, I swear. I didn’t want to walk behind you for the last 4 minutes. I even tried picking up my pace, but you did the same, how would it look if I started running in front of you? How would that make me look? Honestly, I don’t know what you were thinking while I was behind you, but you probably thought I was being perverted. That’s not true, you didn’t have a nice enough butt for me to stare at, it’s not like you had beautiful hair, and a radiant glow to yourself. I’m not calling you ugly, but you aren’t someone who I would be immediately attracted to. You’re the kind of girl where if you made the first move I’d be like, cool.
Did you really have to keep looking back at me as well? I mean come on, we’re in public. I can’t possibly give off a rapey vibe, I’m way too weak looking. Didn’t you see how skinny my arms are? Honestly, if you thought I was about to rape you at 10:14 AM on campus I don’t know how to feel about you. All that negative energy bouncing off of your psyche was throwing me off, I started focusing on my walking form.
There was a second where I considered attempting to talk to you, but all the awkwardness that was going on threw me off, instead of saying “Hi” and smiling like I usually do, I mustered out a whimpering “hello” it was most definitely inaudible. For that I apologize, now you have a reason to think I’m weird. You’re walking alone, some awkwardly handsome guy starts walking behind you, he speeds his pace up, slows down, and then starts whispering to himself. Yeah, never mind I’m sorry.
